Your Horoscope Says, "This Isn't About Astrology..."

Or tarot or any other woo-woo topic.

Sorry to disappoint.

In the spirit of transparency, I need to get away from writing the woo, like, expeditiously. Don’t get me wrong; I love being a freelance writer with relatively successful bylines and press; I enjoy writing horoscopes I will inevitably receive hate mail for; I relish assigning random objects or animals or whatever to a zodiac sign; I also look forward to dogging some zodiac signs when I get the chance (sorry not sorry).

But aside from that?

I think I need a break! But not a real break, because a real break requires money, which comes from writing about woo woo. And I cannot skip out on my bylines to do whatever I want, because, well, I need the money.

See my dilemma?

Don’t get it twisted, I love writing about astrology and tarot and everything else. It wouldn’t be my career if I didn’t love it. Mostly because I don’t willingly do anything I don’t love, let alone like (the same applies to fucking men). However, I’ve arguably done it too well (which now doesn’t apply to fucking men, but strictly my career). I’ve had this deep desire to branch out from the woo side of lifestyle content for some time. I’ve applied for other writing roles, pitched my little heart out, and even executed some test stories—paid, of course.

And nothing. Not even a single assignment on a new non-astrological byline.

I have been rejected from e-commerce, lifestyle, sex, sex & dating, home, home & garden, and so much more across so many media outlets. My ego? Painfully wounded. My motivation to write whatever the fuck I want? At an all-time high.

So, I figured I’d get back to my roots… Kind of. I began as a blogger many moons ago in the pre-Covid era. In so many ways, blogging about the woo and whatnot led to my career as a professional writer witch. And for that, I am grateful.

Instead of returning to my blog, the-crone.com, I figured it was time to try something new. But I am a lazy piece of shit, and I have zero desire to build another website from the ground up, nor do I want to hire someone to do it. I want this new side writing thing to be easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl. I also want this new side writing to be slightly unhinged, moderately edited, and radically mutable.

“well shit, liz” is just that.

This Substack is a homage to my finsta days, a.k.a. wellshitliz (now deactivated). My finsta was a conglomeration of my collegiate failings and messes. Ugly photos, rantings and ravings, drunken stories, and flagrant disrespect for grammar ran amok there. I even held an IG live for when I allegedly got spiked in Dublin. I stupidly deleted my finsta when it got me into trouble at my old sorority (Sigma Kappa), then revived it when I left said sorority, and then deleted it again for reasons I cannot remember. Probably something to do with a career I never started.

Anyway.

I have literally no idea, no direction, and no goal for this Substack other than to write whatever I want. I might manically post, or remember this is a thing I signed up for once a blue moon. Honestly, I think the only intention I have for my Substack is to take back some control back in my writing. There’s freedom in writing whatever I want whenever I want however I want.

Cheers to new writing things or whatever!

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Cover photo: The Reluctant Bride by Auguste Toulemouche